i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
