Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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