Small penises have feelings too.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
