I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
