well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
