I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize