you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
