If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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