I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
