I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
