i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
