She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
