I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
