Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize