what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
