At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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