Swine flu is the new snow day.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
