i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
