dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
