I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
