The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
