It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
