I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
