I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize