Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
