You smell like stripper and shame
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
