youre lurking in front of me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
