i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
