thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
