Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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