Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize