Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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