he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
