I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
