There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
