she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
