some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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