I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
