I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
