I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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