Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
