we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
