I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
