Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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