She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
