I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
