i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
