me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
