If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
