im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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