I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
