i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
