These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
