he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
