my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
