Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
