i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We're too hungover to prance.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
