a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
