after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
