They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
