I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
