I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The ass gains better be worth it
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