1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
