Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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