words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
