And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
