i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
