you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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