I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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