you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
