I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
