do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
