ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
