I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
