There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In America we eat man semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
