I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
