none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
