they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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