Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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