hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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