It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
