I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
