I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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