apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize