three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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