just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
