I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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