I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
