Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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