like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
