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• (831): View more from California

  I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.

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• (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.

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• (585): View more from New York

  at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  My bed is full of blood and feathers

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Did you get that?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets

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