i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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