I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize