i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
