And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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