i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
