Whod you bang
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
