There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
