I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
where does the pee come out of this thing
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
