I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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